Bless the old man who has no home yet still feeds the birds

Everything about the city is angry today. The drivers honking their horns more than usual, the crowds pushing in the streets begging for a spot on the grass in the gardens, the pigeons, anxious as the homeless people for a meal, the sun beating down on the sidewalks, and myself. I find myself in this state of mind because of one thing:
I've become a hypocrite. I've become the kind of person that I would point a finger at and shun. I found myself walking down the street today, the first day that I was actually on my own, and ignoring the cups in outstreched hands, and the cries for help from the bums selling newspapers on the corners. I justified this by telling myself that it was okay because I can barely afford to feed myself (gross overstatement), because I too am now a homeless bum. This didn't make me feel any better. The worst was this. i passed a man who appeared to be having a heart attack against the subway window. I didn't stop to ask if he needed help because someone on the sidewalk had their phone out and I figured that they were 'probably calling the paramedics'. Usually you don't feel badly about these things until sometime after, but as I was walking past this man suffering on the sidewalk, I could feel guilt overcome me and yet I could not bring myself to stop. What kind of a person am I? I'm the worst kind. How am I going to be able to spend my life helping the less fortunate if I can't even stop to call an ambulance for one lonsome man who may be dead as we speak because of my actions?
While walking England back up to the Brighton train station, a man, having a row with two others, stormed off, and while directly in front of us, threw a glass bottle on the sidewalk. Shards of glass flew everywhere, hitting my ankles and England's wrists. If he had been any closer to us, then he could have hit us in the faces. Or worse. The eyes. But this didn't anger me because even I know what it's like to be that angry. Sometimes I wish that I had something to smash.It's a good way to release your anger, not mind you, on a busy side walk, but somewhere secluded and secure from others.
How is it that even the least fortunate people can find it in themselves to help others but I can't even pick up a phone? Like the man who feeds the pigeons? Carrying his home around on his back and hardly able to eat, himself? yet can still spare some bread for the birds. Now that is compasion.
So this is how I'm feeling today. Overwhelmed, confused, and frustrated. So much in fact that I contemplated throwing myself underneath a car, but then thought 'nah, what's the use in that?? That would be taking the easy way out. I should have to feel the way I feel for what I have done!!'
Maybe I'll redeme myself tomorrow? Not bloody likely! And I bet it's pissing rain too!!